As I've mentioned before, I have an aversion to celebrities. I just don't buy into their "glamorous" lifestyle and I couldn't care less about what they eat for breakfast. Contemplating this letter I came up with more than one celebrity to write about. Namely, Kanye West and the whole Kardashian/Jenner family. But then I realized that had it not been for one man in particular, these celebutants would not pollute my media platforms so much. So, I give you my next letter. BUT, I will not include a photo of him on account that he doesn't deserve it.
Dear OJ Simpson,
Where do I start? You successfully ruined a lot of things. It is because of you that "paparazzi" is now considered a "job". If you hadn't, how do I put this, got into the legal trouble that you did, not many people would know who Robert Kardashian even was. But, because you needed to hire the Dream Team, Rob K. became a household name. From that stemmed his psychotic, narcissistic, limelight hogging family, who by the way, I can not stand.
It is also because of you that we now have media platforms like TMZ, OK! Magazine, JustJared.com and the king of Hollywood gossip, Perez Hilton. All of their mission in life is to provide adulterated, mind-numbing, pointless celebrity information. Now, it's even spilling over into the actual news shows! Right after I get an update on the Blue Cut Fire I have to endure some lame story about how celebrity X had a nip slip in some West Hollywood restaurant.
I'm also holding you responsible for Kanye West being prominent. Look, Imma let you finish your current jail sentence, but the Menendez brothers had a way more interesting trial than you.
Oh, the awful treatment that Marcia Clark had to endure during your trial, sickening!
Also, the best orange juice I ever drank was in Mykonos, Greece and I didn't think about you once while I drank it because I would never associate something so wonderful and tasty with the likes of you.
Rot in jail.
actual orange juice enjoyed in Greece
Susan "Next At Eleven" B.
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