New York City Birthday

While everyone in North America was celebrating Thanksgiving Day, my mom and I were celebrating my day of birth. We had a lovely breakfast at a local restaurant and then walked up the New York block to watch the famous Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I had a panic attack that you can read about here. Once we escaped the crowd back to the top to the street that we started on, we found a place to stand among some very nice people who took pity on me, the crying, on the verge of hyper ventilating birthday girl. Seriously, there were some very sympathetic individuals in attendance of the parade that day. A wonderful British woman who had a camera set up, talked to me and even called me "brave" for going to the parade. She offered to let me stand next to her and let me find all my escape routes. Another older gentleman let my mom stand next me even though his wife kept complaining that she couldn't see.

The parade was not my favorite. To be honest, I think parades are kind of boring. No offense to New York City or Macy's. I was really hoping there would be a Bart Simpson balloon, sadly there wasn't. 

 I kept an eye on that police officer in the lower right hand corner. Just in case my panic attack revisited, I wanted a man of the law to help me.

 Our view wasn't too bad.

 This is the photo I snapped after my panic attack, however, I want to point out the decorative button that I sported that day. It reads, "Happy Birthday To Me". I bought it myself from Party City for $4 and it was the best money I spent. All day everyone I came in contact with said 'happy birthday' to me. I loved it! I even got sang to by the employees where my mom and I bought my cupcake. I liked it so much, I wore it the next day too!

 All the balloons that make an appearance are blown up the day before and some of the roads have to be closed off to store them.

 The kids we were standing next to went nuts for this balloon.

 The star of the parade, the Macy's Star.

 No Bart Simpson, but there was an Angry Bird.

 I do love Charlie Brown.

My mom and I left before the parade officially ended. Her phone died, I needed to re-apply make-up and catch my breath so we headed back to our hotel so that we could get ready for a day of sight-seeing  but not before stopping at Starbucks so that I could get my FREE birthday drink.

 Our first stop was St. Patrick's Cathedral. It was stunning! We went inside and it was just as beautiful as the outside. There was a mass going on so we didn't venture too far.

 Across from the cathedral is the bronze Atlas statue which depicts the Ancient Greek Titan, Atlas, holding the heavens.

 Saks Fifth Avenue window displays had a fairytale theme. Mostly of Snow White but a few other princesses were represented as well. Truly creative.

 The Waldorf Astoria

 Grand Central Terminal

 Flag inside Grand Central Terminal

 New York City is so magical at Christmas time. Everywhere you look, there is holiday decorations.

How beautiful (and giant) are these succulents! They were all over the city.

Not pictured: My mom and I enjoying a traditional Thanksgiving dinner at the New York City deli across from our hotel. Really delicious! Also, we stopped by Juniors (restaurant) and although they are said to have the BEST cheesecake, we picked up a birthday cupcake to eat at the end of the day.

 My favorite part of the day was going to Radio City Music Hall, taking a tour and then watching the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular.

 This is the 35-foot Christmas tree made of Swarovski Crystals centered in the lobby. It is breathtaking!

 During the tour we went to a viewing area where we watch a few minutes of the show already in production. Santa walked right past us!

 These are past costumes used in the show.

 Willam Zorach's sculpture "Spirit of the Dance".

 A different view of the Swarovski Tree.

During the tour, we met one of the Rockettes and our group had a little Q&A session, then we all had the opportunity to take a picture with her. Her name is Shelby, she is from South Carolina, she is 22-years old. 2017 was her second season as a Rockette. Each dancer MUST audition each year regardless of if they have done the show before. There are two full casts. There are six shows a day and each cast does three. She likened it to a marathon and said that backstage transitions and costume changes are choreographed to keep everything running smoothly.

I also learned that you have to be AT LEAST five foot. six inches to be eligible to audition. So close! I pled with the girl, "Um, I think once you see my kicks, you'll change your mind."

The show really was spectacular. I watched it multiple times on Netflix after our trip. Did you know it is more than just a kick-line? There is a whole story and everything. Live animals make an appearance not to mention multiple Santas.

 After the show we walked around and watched the light show on the Saks Fifth Avenue facade.

 The light show included Christmas music. Hopefully, the video I attached will work.

 We walked through Rockefeller Center where there was beautiful holiday angels and people ice skating.

 The famous tree in Rockefeller Center didn't get lit until a week after our trip so we saw a pre-lit tree.

It was a great birthday! My mom and I split the cupcake after we got back to our hotel and I haven't stopped talking about the whole day with her since.

Susan "I looked everywhere for Jimmy Fallon" B.

It's My Parade And I'll Cry If I Want To

So, it seems I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. I'll do better. Promise.

Let me preface this blog. When I was a little girl, I had a day bed with a trundle under it that wheeled out. One of my neighborhood friends often thought there was fun to be had in that small space that is created behind the trundle bed when it is pulled out. That small, dark area just underneath the day bed. Every time she came over, she suggested we play whatever game we were into in that very tiny, enclosed hole. Well, I wasn't having any of it. The thought of crawling under there made my heart race and put a fear in me that I could not describe.

There have been moments in my life where I've been faced with a friend who has an abnormally large piece of luggage, and I, being the below average size of a normal adult human being, have been "dared" or "challenged" to fit my body inside said piece of luggage. To which I reply, "Nah, I choose oxygen."

From as far back as I can remember, I have never been comfortable in enclosed areas. I don't enjoy the feeling of being trapped or stuck in any one spot.

Back in the 90's, I attended Lalapalooza on more than one occasion. One year, well say 1994, the concert was held on the grounds of Cal State Dominguez Hills. The crowd was large that September day despite the heat. I was with a group of friends plus hundreds of other scantly clad, weed-smoking, mosh pit dancing, head banging concert goers. One of my all time favorite bands, the Beastie Boys, took the stage. Before they made their entrance, the crowd consisted of clumps of cliques with space in between each group. You could easily tell who was hanging out with whom. As soon as the B Boys came out, the crowd was on their feet, and for good reason. Pretty soon, the space in between groups of people were filled in with other concert goers just wanting to rock with Mike D. Quickly though, the cluster became a swarm. Everyone was shoulder to shoulder, except me, I was shoulder to elbow. It was no longer a cluster of parties but a giant monster, everyone swaying, not to the music but to keep their footing. There was no walking out of the herd, no room to dance, or sit or take a deep breath. I was fortunately next to my brother's best friend who is large in stature and held me next to him so that I didn't fall over and get trampled or swallowed up by the monster. As I swayed with the crowd, praying to make it out alive, I had to concentrate very hard on not breaking down and crying. After a few minutes, about a songs length, the crowd calmed and thinned and there was room to move again. It was terrifying but here I sit, I lived to tell the tale.

Now, remember how I said, I don't like feeling trapped? Let me take a moment to talk candidly. This next part is not for children. You know how some people enjoy being tied up or handcuffed during, um, hanky-panky? Well, the thought of that makes me want to hyperventilate. Being tethered to a bedpost does not do it for me. I'm now going to speak directly to my future husband. If you've got the notion that fuzzy handcuffs or silk scarves are the way to rock my world, keep on moving mister. I guarantee, I will not be enjoying any part of our adult time while tied up to anything. Also, I reserve the right to change my mind.

What's my point? For the past few months, my mom and I had planned a birthday trip to New York City over Thanksgiving weekend. We made lists, we called a travel agent, we planned and prepared for weeks. Our travel agent, hooked us up with a sweet deal. Tickets to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade complete with breakfast and unlimited use of a bathroom. All three of us were under the impression that the tickets included a designated area to view the parade from. However, that was sadly untrue.

On the morning of Thanksgiving, but more importantly, my birthday, my mom and I went to the restaurant, located near Time Square and had our yummy free breakfast, and used the facilities before heading out to watch the parade. As we left the establishment, we asked the guy at the door where our designated area to stand was. He looked at us puzzled and said, "wherever you can find one." That was disappointing since everyone on the street had been there since before the sun rose and we were just filing in the back.

My mom and I decided that we were going to try to cross the street to the other side where it seemed less crowded. So we began to walk down the block to the next street where we saw people crossing. There were barricades set up at the curb to keep everyone cattled in and out of the parade route. The further down the sidewalk we went, the more crowded it got. People were coming toward us, the people behind us were pushing, no one was going left or right and forget about diagonal. I started to feel claustrophobic. I even said to my mom, "I'm feeling claustrophobic." My sweet mother told me that we were almost to the street and we could find a hole and cross to the other side. To which I replied, "I think I'm going to cry." As soon as I recognized the fear that I was feeling, tears began streaming down my face. I looked up at the open space in the sky and tried to keep an even breath. My mom began to comfort me and asking people if they could just move to the side so that we could get through. It was too late though, my silent tears turned into sobs. I needed out. I wasn't scared of running out of oxygen or getting lost. I felt trapped. I could no longer see a way out of where I was standing and it terrified me.

I told my mom I wanted to go back. I wanted to go to where we came from. She said, okay, and we began to push back through the crowd. I was sobbing and apologizing to everyone, searching for a hole in the sea of people. It seemed to take hours to get back, but we finally did and all I could do was stand next to a tree, sobbing and apologizing profusely to my mother. I didn't feel guilty, I felt bad.

So there I was, on my 40th birthday, with my head on my mommy's shoulder, crying and trying desperately hard not to hyperventilate. It took a few minutes, but I stopped sobbing. It took a little longer for the tears to stop flowing, but eventually, they did. Some nice people let me stand near a barricade where there was plenty of space should I feel the need to flee the scene. However, my mom was 2-3 people away from me and this was kindling to my fire of anxiety. I was uncomfortable and kept glancing back to make sure she was still there. Next thing I see, a group of security/cops/SWAT looking type people and I thought, if there is some kind of terrorist attack or shooting, I'm not even going to have the opportunity to die next to my mother. So that fed into my panic and I manage to convince some nice people to let her stand next to me.

This is longer than I had thought it would be. I don't have a lesson to tie into all of this. Well, actually, I realized that when I don't feel like my life is moving forward, like I feel "trapped" I become very agitated and depressed and constantly try to find ways to help me feel like I am progressing in life. Maybe the two have a connection?

We watched most of the parade and realized that the although just as boring, the Rose Parade is better to watch. We ducked out early so that I could catch my breath, get something to drink and reapply my make-up.

I took a picture of my mom and I just after my panic attack. Notice the puffy, red, eyes from crying. See all the people!? If you can relate to my incident, tell me in the comment section, or tell me I was being silly.

Susan "Don't Fence Me In" B.