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Monday, October 7, 2019

I Live In Fear

Share a list of your biggest fears:

At the top of this list is Being Alone. I've wrote about this before. It's something that I've been struggling with as of late and has taken up residency in my thoughts and my heart to where it's almost debilitating on a daily basis.


Spiders. I'm better at disposing of them than I was before. One time, after I had moved to London, I had my window open to let in the London air. Sometime after I found the BIGGEST eight legged intruder in my sink (also in the bedroom). I literally stared down that creep for ten minutes and then finally, I took my pink slipper with a side bow and I brought it down harder than Thor and his hammer. The impact disassembled him. I have no regrets.


Clowns. Just no. I've never been okay with clowns. Maybe because my brother made me watch It at a young age? A couple of years ago, on Halloween, I was at my brother's house helping hand out candy and hanging out with the homies in the front yard. A few houses away I spotted a man dressed as a clown complete with face make-up. I stood up from my chair, handed off the candy and said, "I'm going in the house till he is gone." Not only did I go inside, I went around and locked every door that I could and then stared out the front window. The clown stopped and stared at me staring at him. My heart was in my throat. He started to walk toward the front door. I bolted. I went upstairs. Yeah, I know that's a typical horror movie mistake. I heard door knobs rattle followed by laughter. Eventually, the clown left but not before he made friends with my brother and sister in law who tried to let him into the house to scare me but couldn't because I had locked all the doors.


Being trapped. This is a literal fear that I have wrote about before. Large crowds where I can't find a way out bring me to tears. Small cramped spaces ignite anxiety. Being strapped down or tied up gives me heart palpitations. But also, feeling trapped in my life. Feeling like I'm not moving forward or progressing is also scary to me.

Feel free to tell me your fears in the comment section.


Susan "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" B.

Sunday, October 6, 2019

Many A Necklace Becomes A Noose

Today's topic is a flashback to my childhood. Share a scary Halloween Memory. Back in the day when my world was one block wide, my best friend lived up and across the street from me. Not far, three houses up so at a young age I was trusted to walk up to her house alone.

It was the month of October, early, and Halloween decorations were sprinkled throughout the neighborhood. One evening I confidently left the warmth and comfort of my home and headed up the street after I had crossed it to my besties house. I looked both ways for cars before crossing and pulled my sweater closed to protect myself against the chill in the air. I made it to my best friend's neighbor's house. The house just before hers. I got mid-way through their front yard when I just happened to look up. That's when I stopped, frozen. The inhabitants of the home has tied a noose and hung what looked like a VERY real man from the tree in their front yard. I was terrified. My little heart caught in my chest and then rapidly beat. I stared at the hanging body trying to decide if it was real or decoration OR a real person waiting to descend and scare unsuspecting passersby.


I don't know how long I stood there. I didn't know what to do. I was positive they were going to jump down at me and I knew I wouldn't be able to handle that. I didn't know what to do. Finally, some unforeseen force took over and I ran. I ran as fast as my little legs would run and I didn't look back.

It was a traumatizing event. I CANNOT look at bodies hanging. Let me explain. I enjoy watching The Handmaids Tale, however, I have to look away from the t.v. if it shows actors portraying a person that has been hung. I feel agitated looking at pictures of people hanging like on the cover of books even if it's just an illustration. Seeing that type of image makes me uncomfortable and slightly sick.

So there it is. A very scary Halloween moment for a very little Susan that has haunted me clear into adulthood.

Susan "Hang in there, Baby" B.

Thursday, October 3, 2019

One, Two, Freddy's Coming For You

Write a list of your favorite horror movies.

Ha! I'm such a chicken when it comes to scary movies. I always have been. I LOVE watching horror movies in theory. One of my favorite scary shows to watch is American Horror Story BUT I can only watch it when the sun is out AND I have to watch a comedy chaser afterward.

Growing up I was lucky to have two older brothers who "forced" me to watch scary movies. Maybe it's why I'm traumatized and still a scaredy-cat. I like all the classics and a few of the new ones. So, in no particular order and a little explanation, here they are:

1. Friday the 13th - I watched this as a child with my brothers. I thought I was pretty cool but I was low-key terrified.

2. Nightmare On Elm Street - I watched the OG with the brothers but there was one time when I was thirteen I watched one by myself, in the daylight of course. As a result I had to sleep on the floor in my parent's room for the next two nights because I was scared to go to sleep.

3. Halloween - Another classic introduced to me by my brothers. Today, I really enjoy the music.

4. It - !00% the reason I have a clown phobia. Yes, my brothers made me watch it. I still watch it every time it comes on t.v. I'm not as scared of the original as I used to be but, the new It: Chapter One and Chapter Two, well I actually screamed out loud during Chapter One while in the movie theater and I had my eyes closed A LOT for Chapter Two so there's that.

5. Zombieland - My absolute favorite! It's got the walking dead and laughs around every corner. I am really excited for Zombieland Double Tap to come out this month. If you haven't seen the first movie, do yourself a favor and watch it. You will not be disappointed.

I drew this on my chalkboard at work.

6. Children of the Corn - I watched this as a child too...with my brothers. I really had something to prove.

7. Scream - But only the first one. I went on a date to the drive-in to see this one. Good times.

8. The Shining - Classic.

9. The Blair Witch Project - I didn't see this one in the theater however, I did watch it alone on Halloween night right after it had come out. I literally slept with the lights on and my door open for two weeks straight. It terrified me. I have not seen it since then.

10. Poltergeist - All of them. I really related to Caroline Ann. We were both little blond girls.

What is your favorite scary movie? Tell me in the comments.

Susan "You'll Float Too" B.

Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Maybe I'm Basic

For today's topic, I'm suppose to share a pumpkin flavored recipe. Not only is it the most delicious recipe for cookies, but it only has three ingredients and they are super simple to make. I wish I had some sort of anecdote to accompany this recipe. I need a story about how these cookies changed someones life. I don't have anything like that to share though.

I know there is a stigma around Basic Girls and pumpkin flavored food such as Pumpkin Spice Lattes but you are fooling yourself if you don't eat anything pumpkin flavored this time of year. I made these  the last two years and brought them to work and they were gobbled up pretty quickly.

Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1 box of pumpkin muffin mix from Trader Joe's
1 can of pumpkin also from Trader Joe's
1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips from wherever you want

Mix all the ingredients in a large mixing bowl. Heap spoon fulls of dough onto a greased cookie sheet and bake for 8-10 minutes at 350 degrees.

These are my favorite Fall guilty pleasure! I might just make these this weekend.


Susan "Basic Bitch" B.

Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Guess Who's Back?

It's been too long. I started this blog before I moved to London. When I lived there I had a lot to blog about. I was on a constant adventure and now my adventures seem irrelevant. But writing on this blog helps me. So I'm going to try another month long challenge. A 31 day post for the month of October. I miss my adventures in London/Europe. I miss writing. I miss taking pictures of the world and knowing what I was going to write about when I posted them to my blog. I have a lot of thoughts in my head but for now I'm just going to write about the October topics that I found.

List Your Favorite Things About Autumn

1. I love wearing Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin lotion from Bath and Body Works.
2. I love wearing sweaters and sweatshirts that feel like hugs.
3. Halloween is my favorite holiday (besides my birthday).
4. I love fall and Halloween decorations.
5. I love dressing up for Halloween.
6. I love celebrating National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
7. I love wearing Halloween socks everyday for the entire month.
8. I love pumpkin-ized food. Breads, cookies, drinks and desserts.
9. I love buying Christmas presents early.
10. I love all the Halloween themed movies and t.v. shows that come on.
11. I love carving pumpkins.
12 I love when the air outside cools after a hot summer.
13. I love the possibility of rainy days.
14. I love soup weather.
15. I love cozy blankets on cold nights.
16. I love my flannel pajamas that my mom made me.
17. I love baseball and the World Series.
18. I love football and picking who will win each week and then seeing how many I got right.
19. I love Halloween parties, potlucks and trunk-or-treats.
20. I love watching the colors or the world change; the trees, the sunsets, the sunrises.


Susan "Rising From the Dead" B.

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

March For Our Lives - Round 2

Many years ago, the summer before I started junior high, I had the same concerns as any other 12-year old girl. Would I be able to find all my classes? Would I get to eat lunch with my friends? Would it be weird changing clothes in the locker room? etc, etc. There was one other thing that weighed heavily in my mind. Rumor on the blacktop was that junior high girls got into a lot of FIST FIGHTS. This revelation kept me up at night. Sure, by the time I was that age I had been in plenty of sibling fights, but those mainly consisted of noogie's to the head, Indian burns to the arm and an occasional fart in the face and almost always ended in me yelling, "Maaaoooommm!" the bell would ring and my mom would send us to our corners to lick our wounds. This was junior high though. And apparently, girls used their fists, to punch, harm and maim. I wasn't ready for that and so I lived with the fear that any day, if I were to look at the wrong girl sideways, I was in for a beating that my mom would not be refereeing at.

Needless to say, I survived two years of junior high without getting into a fight. There were a few close calls but I walked away unscathed from 360 days of junior high purgatory. You could not pay enough money to go back. Those thoughts and feelings could fill a whole other blog post.

In 1999, the unthinkable happened. On April 20, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold opened fire at Columbine High School, killing 12 students and one teacher. They injured 21 additional people and three more were injured trying to escape. Then, they turned their guns on themselves and committed suicide. They were 18 and 17 years old, respectively. I remember watching the horror of it all as it played on my t.v. It was awful. I had already graduated high school and was posing as an adult at a big kid job when the Columbine shooting occurred. I remember, after the shooting, waking up early to go to work and feeling fear. Fear of Eric and Dylan, which is weird, cause they were both dead. But, it wasn't fear of the individuals, rather, fear that they had existed and there might be more people like them.

A few years later, I was away at college living in Salt Lake City. My very first roommate and I were talking about our stints in high school when she told me that her school would have drills, not earthquake drills like my California school, but school shooting drills! This blew my mind. Children would practice hiding in case a gunman were to threaten their time dissecting a frog in Anatomy class. I could not conceive that necessity. I had plenty to fear at school from the age of 12-18, but not once did I think that one of my classmates had the ability to get a gun, let alone bring it on campus.

Unlike junior high, I LOVED high school. I was always having fun. I had a lot of friends, I went to all the parties, I was a cheerleader, and most of my teachers liked me. It was one big social event and I was a butterfly. Thinking back on it, I remember how everything seemed so important. EVERYTHING. It's silly now. I realize how unimportant everything was, but at the time, I felt like every decision I made was so critical. Fortunately, I had a plethora of friends. Family was more of how I thought of them. Some of my chums knew me better than my family members. They weren't just my buddies that I palled around with. They were my therapists, my confidants, my partners in crime. I would lie to their parents for them if they asked me to, whisper the answer to number three during a quiz, passed HAND WRITTEN NOTES during passing period that I spent the better part of Language Arts class creating, put them in the trunk of our friends car to get them off campus at lunch and other dumb things. I wouldn't do those things to be a rebel or to prove that I could break the rules. I did them, because I cared.


Times sure have changed since I was in school. More and more children are easily gaining access to fire arms and they're not playing Cops and Robbers, they're shooting up schools, movie theaters and local churches. In general, we as Americans have got to stop killing each other. Every time an American turns their gun on another American, terrorist around the world win. Instead of terrorists coming into our country under a guise, living for several years all the while plotting an astronomical attack, they get to sit back and watch as we kill each other. We are doing their job for them. What have we become?

I don't discuss politics, just as a rule of thumb. There is always someone out there who wants to tell me I'm wrong or go through a laundry list of why I should believe the way they believe and to me, it's just not worth it. I consider myself educated. When there is.a political stand to be made, I gather all the facts that I can find and try to side one way or the other. More often than not, I'm standing in a gray area. An area where I see how both sides are right OR how both sides are wrong.  I know it sounds wishy-washy, but politics are a difficult thing for me to get a grasp on.

I felt the need to attend the Walk For Our Lives March. My main goal was to interview people and write a journalistic article, which I did. But also, I felt the need to be a part of something that is bigger than myself. I don't have an answer. Do I think we should reform gun laws? Yes. How do we do it without infringing on the rights of the American citizen? I don't know. I do know that children need to stop being shot at. It sickens me that a tragedy such as Sandy Hook, did not convince the government that we need stricter gun laws. 20 children between the ages of SIX and SEVEN years old were gunned down. They were babies. And, what of a person that commits such an offense? Let's talk about that elephant in the room. It is high time we started addressing mental health. No sane person sees a first or second grader as the enemy. It is 2018 and mental health should not be taboo.

I certainly wasn't troubling myself with politics in high school. The most political worry I had back then was, did Bill Clinton have sexual relations with that woman? And, yeah right he "didn't inhale". Other than that my biggest worries were, when are those pinstriped pants at Esprit going on sale? Which boy should I kiss at the party? And, are we going to beat Norco at the football game? *spoiler alert* we did not beat Norco the 4 years that I attended.

Something that I learned at the Walk For Our Lives March is kids today have a lot political views and they don't care who the President is sleeping with or what he's smoking. They want their voices heard and they are not stopping at that. They are registering to vote and are prepared to vote out those in government who are not willing to protect them. Not only are they going to vote them out, they are going to run against them. Pre-teens, teens and young adults are tired of being scared to go to school. They don't want to live in fear of their classmates or the unstable kid who graduated two years ago.


On the morning of the march, I drove to Downtown Riverside and parked a couple of blocks away from the Historical Courthouse. I could hear the crowd immediately and within seconds I could smell the sunblock that parents had slathered on their kids and themselves that morning. War paint. They were in it for the long haul. One thing I noticed quickly was the diversity of the group. Every demographic was represented on the courthouse steps that morning.




The weather was perfect. The sun would peek through moving clouds as local students began the opening ceremony with instructions on how to peacefully participate, where to find the table to register to vote and a run down of the mornings activities. One by one, students spoke to the crowd with the confidence of lions, each of them roaring for change. The message I took away, these kids want to feel safe and protected at school and they are pleading for the government to do something. If something isn't done, they will not walk away with their tails between their legs. They are prepared to vote out offending individuals and take over political positions to get their way.


"You may be afraid to save our lives, but we are not afraid to vote you out." said one student.

Through tears of conviction, one student said, "We feel scared when a fire alarm goes off in our school because we don't know if it's real or a trap to get us out of our classrooms."

It was hard not to get choked up as students plead, not just for change, but for their safety. Another student commented, "Any movement is better than none."


After the opening ceremony, the march began. Something that surprised me, we marched through traffic. There was a ton of security and volunteers directing us, however, the streets were not blocked off that we walked down. I can see how irritating that might be for a soccer mom trying to get her van full of kids to their game, but this was my first rodeo so I just went with the flow.

There is always one guy.
When you and your friends plan to crash a peaceful protest, but they're at home cleaning their guns.




Just because this was a peaceful protest, doesn't mean we tip toed through the streets of Riverside quietly. There were a handful of chants being shouted for all to hear. This is where my internal struggle began. First, I didn't chant, which is difficult, because the cheerleader in me loves to synchronize rhyming shouts with a crowd, but I'm still in that gray area. I want gun reform, however, I don't want to take away gun rights. Although, I don't know a good reason for anyone to own an assault rifle. Second, as a faux journalist, I couldn't justify chanting and remain biased so that I could write an informative article instead of one that tipped the scale. So, I marched, I took photos, notes and video. My heart was definitely in it. I thought about my three nieces and nephew and how I just want them to get an education on not witness their friends or teachers being blown away during third period or worse, being in the direct path of a bullet.


We marched a giant square and ended back on the steps of the courthouse. I worked up (a lot) of courage and approached six different protesters and asked them all the same two questions:

Do you think the Parkland kids are appropriate leaders, and why?

"Yes, the Parkland students truly understand what's happening and what needs to change in the future, plus they have a powerful voice." - Mauve, 17

"Yes, they are the most recent victims, they're young and young people are the future." - Bobby, 45

"Yes, they've been baptized by their experience and possess an empathy that is needed." - Michael, 24

"Perfect leaders. They transcended any sort of partisan politics of this and embody commonality of Americans. They are the perfect voices to get us passed this." - Daniel, 29

"Yes, through showing us that we can make a change, we are able to stand up for ourselves." - America, 14

"Yes, they had first hand experience and they can tell us how it feels to be threatened." - Eliana, 14

What are you hoping will be a result from this protest?

"I think there should be stricter gun laws. There is no need for people to own semi-automatic guns. I hope more people register to vote." - Mauve, 17

"Get rid of assault rifles and other guns. Make it harder to get guns. I hope this is a movement and not a moment." - Bobby, 45

"I hope that more protest get organized, the problem needs to be taken more seriously." - Michael, 24

"I hope to sustain civic conscience and energy passed this stage to the ballots. Vote craven politics who are part of the NRA out of office." - Daniel, 29

"That guns won't be allowed in public places, and for kids to feel safe. Kids won't feel like they might die." - America, 14

"More kids will be involved, leaders will come forth and better change." - Eliana, 14



The closing ceremony began with a moment of silence for the 17 victims of the Stoneman Douglas High School where in a crowd of hundreds of kids the only sound heard was an airplane overhead. Then each of their names were read out loud.  Five butterflies were brought out, each representing Change, Hope, Perseverance, Courage and Action. They were SUPPOSE to flutter up into the sky, lifting with them the spirits of all in attendance, but it just wasn't sunny enough for them to take flight. So, the butterflies protested. The students had to walk them down the steps, out of the shade and encourage them to enter into a world where 16-year-olds own guns.

Susan "Don't @ Me, Bro!" B.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

March For Our Lives - Round I

Thousands of people, from all walks of life, gathered at the steps of the Riverside Historical Courthouse on Saturday, March 24, while hundreds of thousands gathered nation-wide to demand a solution to end gun violence.

The peaceful protest was one of many "March For Our Lives" demonstrations held throughout the United States by citizens in pursuit of stricter gun laws in the wake of the February 14 mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, where 17 people lost their lives, in Parkland, Florida.


Riverside's rally was organized by high school students from Corona, Moreno Valley and Riverside and supported by the Riverside County Brady Campaign To End Gun Violence.

Student speakers address the crowed before the march. "Today we demand change. Today we demand action," proclaimed Ian McPherson, a 16-year-old junior from Valley View High School. One after another each student had a similar plea.

"Thoughts and prayers have done nothing for students like myself," a sentiment spoken by one student speaker and echoed throughout the march.

Addressing the government, one student said, "You may be afraid to save our lives, but we're not afraid to vote you out!" On the courthouse grounds, voter registration tables were set up for the convenience of anyone needing to register.

Another student revealed, "I must hug my family everyday because we don't know when tragedy will strike."

To the 2nd Amendment protectors, another student said, "No one is trying to take any one's guns away. We are trying to protect our students from death."



After the opening ceremony, the march began. Over 4000 people headed up Main Street, making their voices heard and chanting.




After the march, the rally concluded back on the steps of the courthouse where the names of the 17 Marjory Stoneman Douglas victims were read and student organizers released butterflies in their honor.

Susan "Wearing A Journalist Hat" B.