I Live In Fear

Share a list of your biggest fears:

At the top of this list is Being Alone. I've wrote about this before. It's something that I've been struggling with as of late and has taken up residency in my thoughts and my heart to where it's almost debilitating on a daily basis.

Spiders. I'm better at disposing of them than I was before. One time, after I had moved to London, I had my window open to let in the London air. Sometime after I found the BIGGEST eight legged intruder in my sink (also in the bedroom). I literally stared down that creep for ten minutes and then finally, I took my pink slipper with a side bow and I brought it down harder than Thor and his hammer. The impact disassembled him. I have no regrets.

Clowns. Just no. I've never been okay with clowns. Maybe because my brother made me watch It at a young age? A couple of years ago, on Halloween, I was at my brother's house helping hand out candy and hanging out with the homies in the front yard. A few houses away I spotted a man dressed as a clown complete with face make-up. I stood up from my chair, handed off the candy and said, "I'm going in the house till he is gone." Not only did I go inside, I went around and locked every door that I could and then stared out the front window. The clown stopped and stared at me staring at him. My heart was in my throat. He started to walk toward the front door. I bolted. I went upstairs. Yeah, I know that's a typical horror movie mistake. I heard door knobs rattle followed by laughter. Eventually, the clown left but not before he made friends with my brother and sister in law who tried to let him into the house to scare me but couldn't because I had locked all the doors.

Being trapped. This is a literal fear that I have wrote about before. Large crowds where I can't find a way out bring me to tears. Small cramped spaces ignite anxiety. Being strapped down or tied up gives me heart palpitations. But also, feeling trapped in my life. Feeling like I'm not moving forward or progressing is also scary to me.

Feel free to tell me your fears in the comment section.

Susan "always a bridesmaid, never a bride" B.